Meet Your Managers: Misunderstood Heroes of Your Inner System

Our Managers might feel like bullies or worse, but they are really just like the overprotective friend who’s always trying to keep us safe, even if their methods can be a bit intense. These parts of us have been around since we were kids, learning survival strategies to protect us from pain. They often use strategies like strict control or perfectionism, shaming, and even yelling at us, believing these are the best ways to shield us from getting hurt again. Here’s the catch: no matter how harsh these tactics might seem, Managers are never trying to hurt us. They’re doing their best with what they’ve learned, often resorting to black-and-white thinking because that’s how they’ve been programmed to survive. They might use shame or manipulation to keep us in check, all to prevent the unhealed Exile from getting triggered and flooding us with its pain—the parts of us that hold onto deep-seated pain or trauma. Exiles are the frozen parts of us that now carry past wounds—stuff we had to bury because it was too painful to deal with at the time. Our Managers work hard to keep these Exiles hidden away, so we don’t have to feel the hurt they carry. They’re like protective barriers trying to keep those old wounds from surfacing. When we connect with our true Self—the calm and compassionate core of who we are—we can start to understand how much our Managers care. By showing them that we are here and they are not all alone helps them relax, we make room for healing. This allows us to gently witness and help to let go of their frozen pain, thereby healing the Exiles, helping all parts of us to grow and find a more balanced, healthy way of being.